Do you have a female boss? Congratulations, you have returned to the transitional age and you are losing all the spiritual stories of the relationship between your daughter and mother. We figure out how to build a good (or at least bloodless) relationship if your boss is a woman or you yourself are the boss.
Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada"Many smart and successful girls are convinced that working with women is much more difficult than with men. Why? It turns out that our natural virtues - emotionality, observation, empathy, the ability to listen, notice everything, remember, give advice - at work can annoy, not only the boss, but also colleagues. “Girls behave unpredictably,” complains my friend Lena, the head of a department in a large investment company. “They get offended, cry, ask too many questions, chat, gossip, intrigue, lie… And this is a terrible rivalry! With men, it happens quite differently, somehow more honestly. Men at work don't play games with you. With them, I can be both a boss and a woman at the same time - both flirt and command. And with women, in order for everything to work out well, I have to be only the boss.
To be honest, I would not really want to work for such a boss as Lena, who is dearly beloved by me. Authoritarian, uncompromising, maniacally controlling everything around.
Lena, for example, can call her subordinates closer to midnight on Friday and demand that they, at least burst, prepare a multi-page document by seven in the morning on Saturday. However, I understand that in real life there are far more bosses like her than many would like - which means we will have to build competent relationships with them anyway.
The color of my boss
In her book Hit Like a Woman, New York-based businesswoman and writer Ronna Lichtenberg takes a very original look at the theory of female and male leadership. No, she, of course, does not call for beating anyone - on the contrary, she suggests taking a closer look at the psychological type of her boss and, depending on this, building the right tactics of behavior.
What are these psychotypes? Rosa claims that according to the style of her self-realization at work (and in general in life), all people are divided into the so-called pink (“pink”), blue (“blue”) and striped (“striped”). It has nothing to do with sexual orientation - as well as with gender. It is important for pink people (and most of them among women) to make friends at work. Relationships for them are an integral part of the labor process, they think in images, remember grievances for a long time, always notice what you are wearing today and what mood you are in, like to communicate on abstract topics, make decisions based on feelings and intuition, and prefer business issues. decide at the plate delicious pasta in a restaurant.
A typical representative of the pink breed is the heroine Reese Witherspoon in the movie Legally Blonde: she even dressed in all pink.
For blue people, it is not the process that matters, but the result, even at a high price (in particular, at the cost of damaged relationships with colleagues). They are used to thinking systematically and use logic and numbers to make decisions. There are more of these among men. Finally, there are people striped - those who combine the features of pink and blue and "turn on" one or the other qualities, depending on the situation and the nature of the people with whom they have to work.
It is curious that most of the conflicts between women at work, according to the author of this theory, occur just between representatives of pink and blue. “A pink woman sees a blue woman and, of course, first of all wants to make friends with her. Just like that, “to the heap,” writes Ronna Lichtenberg. – And being friends at work is not in the nature of a blue woman. Pink is offended and blue doesn't understand what's going on."
Best of all, however, in the office environment it is precisely the “striped” workers who combine “female” and “male” features. Because they know how to quickly respond to a communicative situation. It is they who manage to maintain smooth and productive relationships with both colleagues and superiors - even with a female boss.
The whole problem with pink and blue is that both of these types are the same selfish, and dominant. They persistently try to force the team to behave in a way that is more convenient for them. Nobody will like this, especially women who are quicker than men.
And we must also take into account that a woman boss, especially in Russia, where feminism is not in vogue, outside the office very often tries to behave with men according to the traditional scheme: “Yes, dear. As you say, dear, ”even if she earns four times more than her dear, and is used to commanding. For men, she is ready to make an exception, but not for a subordinate girl - she will have to suffer both for herself and for that guy.
Better to be "striped" - they are smarter and generally somehow more humane.
And yet, for God's sake, do not try to enter into healthy competition with the boss - this is a dead number, because women very subtly feel the ripening intrigue. Be friends with her without familiarity, help - as if you came to visit your parents, you would help your mother or grandmother in the kitchen to bake a pie. And if you want career growth, then do not worry - who needs to notice that you are not only capable, but also know how to be loyal. And this one who needs to raise you. And the less you hint to him that he should do it, the sooner it will happen.
bumblebee queen ipchel
Meanwhile, the more success we, women, achieve in the professional field, the more relevant the topic of chronic problems in women's (and not only!) teams becomes. This topic is now being discussed especially actively in America - in particular, because there, due to the high life expectancy, representatives of at least three generations at once can easily sit in one office today - baby boomers (those who were born in the 1950s), Generation X ( those who are in their early thirties) and very young, just out of college - we used to call them millennials.
However, it is not only about the conflict of generations. To wage open or covert war, it is not necessary to have thirty years of age difference. Enough, as it turned out, just to be a woman.
When your boss is your new mom
At the sight of the boss, a tornado is spinning in the stomach? This is also not uncommon, and psychologists look for the causes of such phenomena (like everything else, however) in childhood. We subconsciously perceive the boss as dad, and the boss as mom. Spam girls' relationships tend to be more distant and non-competitive - we just want to please them. But mom is a generous field for a psychoanalyst!
We subconsciously expect from our boss familiar responses from childhood.
For example, if mom was strict, scolded for every mistake, we will become afraid of being fired and wait for a call to the carpet with or without reason. If mom was a guardian and host, we will wonder why we are not praised five days a week. Well, in the event that in childhood we lacked the attention of our parents, we will seek it from the boss. Be that as it may, it will be difficult to call our behavior adequate, because the boss is not a relative to us and our relations are completely different. To avoid inappropriate infantilism, it is urgent to understand several important things and, if necessary, change the behavior pattern.
To begin with, remember which situations in your relationship with your mother are painted in the brightest colors for you. Why did she scold you, praise you, under what circumstances did she laugh at you? What feelings did you experience during these moments? Then draw a parallel - does the same feeling arise at work? Under what circumstances? In every possible way avoid being in them in the future, well, and if it is not possible to avoid, try to return to that childish situation, feel like a little girl, and then look at everything from the outside.
Tell that mother who lives in your memory: “Mom, I have already grown up!” Chant this mantra before entering the boss's office. Only to themselves - employees talking to themselves scare colleagues.
Who is your boss?
Five types of female leadership in the office and as many strategies for interacting with their representatives, or why with one boss you have to completely turn off emotions, and on the other, master the technique of endless chatter about nothing.
Type one: General in a skirt
What does it look like? Like a man who decided on a sex change operation. She has female sexual characteristics, but the brutality is such that no hormonal therapy can be eradicated. In general, a determined, career-oriented androgynous.
Does she bite? She does not like either men or women, because she does not know how to behave with both of them. However, she respects the manifestation of masculine qualities more. Therefore, it is better for talkative, sensitive young ladies to stay away from her. Or learn to be more restrained and rational.
What to do? In the unconscious of each of us there is a male part, which Jung called "animus". So, in order to negotiate with such a boss, you first need to establish contact with your own animus. If you were a man, what would you look like? Approximately in this way it is necessary to appear before such a boss. No need to wear a tie, but coquetry will have to be left at home.
Type two: American dream
What does it look like? Quite good. A little boring, but it's not her fault - the dress code does not rhyme with the word "creative". She is young, and even if not very, then youthful, smart and purposeful. This female boss may be American, English or Russian educated abroad. In general, she is a person with a Western type of thinking and in every possible way cultivates this in herself.
Does she bite? If you have worked in a Russian company all your life, you may be shocked when faced with this type of boss. You will try to call her to a frank conversation, talk about your daughter or son, show off your manicure, and she will remain polite and detached.
What to do? Respecting boundaries is fundamentally important to her. She was taught that respect for boundaries - one's own and those of others - distinguishes an adult from an infantile. This is boring only at first glance, because in any children's game there are also rules, which makes the game no less exciting.
Type three: kind mother
What does it look like? Caring, protective, interested in the details of the personal lives of her subordinates, this boss can look like anything. A plump middle-aged woman or a young, fit, active girl of about thirty - the main thing in a mother is not external, but internal.
Does she bite? What can be terrible in this sweet man? Nothing if the relationship with your real mother was even. Psychologists call this "transference," meaning that you transfer your feelings and expectations of sama to your boss.
What to do? Play the game "Find 10 differences between the boss and mom." When communicating, focus on the differences. And make sure that your voice is a little lower, speech is slower than usual. Lower your shoulders down, let your gestures and facial expressions be a little more mean than in a conversation with a friend. So you will not look like a child reporting to his mother about his progress at school.
Type four: stepmother
What does it look like? She would very much like everyone around to walk in rags, and she alone would be the queen. Of course, she is unlikely to succeed in her dream of rags, but she, in principle, can make her subordinates walk with bags under their eyes.
Does she bite? If your mother was strict and controlling, be careful - there is a risk of transference here too. Although consciousness tells you that mom and boss are different people, you can hardly cope with feelings of anxiety.
What to do? Think about what the boss was like as a child, was anyone friends with her, what could she play? If you met her in the school yard or in the country, could you make friends? What would unite you - love for dogs, Pokemon stickers? When entering the office, imagine this girl with pigtails and address her, not adult woman in a large leather chair.
Type five: daddy's daughter
What does it look like? Like the girls in the gossip photographs. Expensive.
Does she bite? For those who dream of joining the ranks of secular beauties, such a boss is either a stone around her neck, or a high-speed elevator to a sweet life. The main danger is that you can start to envy and try to compete with her.
What to do? Alternate the roles of a caring elder and a younger sister who does not understand anything. Well, if secular life seems to you the scenery of a bad performance, you can take on the role of a girl from another party - the boss will not be offended and even interested. Or pretend to be a young mother, begin to patronize her and listen sympathetically to stories about nightly adventures in clubs "Soho" or "Roof of the World".
Photo: Getty Images, press archives
This post is about harassment that prevents a girl from living and working. Therefore, we immediately dismiss those who voluntarily go to office romances. It's not about them now.
In one form or another, almost every girl feels unwanted attention from influential colleagues, or from the boss. Harassment is most easily prevented at an early stage. Usually the boss does not immediately climb with hugs, does not call in a cafe. He just behaves more affectionately than usual, says compliments, reduces the distance. Can increase salaries, promotions, look through your fingers at your joints and so on. The employee begins to feel a sense of gratitude, his significance. And here he gets a hint that all this is disinterested. The boss makes you feel how good it is to be with him in special, good relations. And how bad it is to "disobey". If you understand what I'm talking about. And now, instead of obsessive harassment, you get nit-picking, accusations of misconduct, administrative penalties for the slightest infractions.
And very important point: If you flirt with someone at work, it will be very difficult to explain to your boss that you do not want to flirt with him. It's almost impossible. Therefore, it is important: do not engage in frivolous conversations with colleagues. If you easily support such a conversation, then colleagues, the boss may decide that you do not mind moving from words to deeds.
Here are the following answers that are offered ordinary people in similar situations:
Slap your boss and quit.
If nothing can be fixed, then quietly and peacefully quit.
Call his wife. And there are many options here: from scandal and threats to establishing friendly ties with his wife. And if you become her best friend, then she will definitely fall behind.
Contact the Society for the Protection of Workers. Interesting, has anyone tried it?
Show that there is an influential or the strong man who can intervene. Let him meet from work or come to visit at work.
Talk to your boss the most in a good way: explain that you do not need to interfere with work and personal life.
Introduce the manager to a special female who can interrupt his interest in you.
Don't be alone with your boss unless the job requires it. Come up with an excuse to shorten the time you spend with him, invite a colleague to come with you, or ask to be called from time to time. Take a voice recorder with you.
A few direct allusions to expensive gifts and he will understand that it is cheaper to pay for the services of call girls than to save up for gifts to you.
If your goal is to get rid of personal offers, adopt a certain style of behavior. Do your best and stop the boss, even if he claims to have hugged you, because fatherly (friendly) feelings have awakened in him. Make it clear to your boss (and preferably in the presence of colleagues) that sexual relations at work are unacceptable for you, and without options. At some point you can't hold back your anger.
When the boss pesters, the woman experiences a terrible awkwardness. I don’t want to offend him with a refusal, and it’s scary, because the refusal itself provokes a conflict. She decides to turn everything into a joke and thus avoid a direct answer. This is the main and most common mistake: it seems to the boss that the girl is flirting with him, and he redoubles his efforts. You need to say “no” in such a way that it cannot be mistaken for a flirtatious “yes”. This means that the answer should be polite, but strict and without a smile.
What not to do in order not to lose workplace? Consider the main mistakes of subordinates, simulating situations on the part of superiors and employees. So what are 7 mistakes that can cost you work?
Met by clothes
You:“I have always believed that it is not necessary to dress beautifully for work, the main thing is a responsible attitude to one's duties. Therefore, I put on what came to my arm in the morning.
Boss:“I doubt that a man who treats his own with such carelessness appearance, can responsibly perform their duties, in the end, it's just indecent - to come to work in sneakers and jeans!
Appearance is an important part of your career. Follow the dress code, do not allow negligence and sloppiness.
But here, the main thing is not to overdo it. Set aside overly expensive clothes and jewelry for a corporate party, thus you will not put your colleagues and boss, who cannot afford to dress in top things, in an awkward position.
The Importance of Subordination
You:“My boss has always liked me as a person, and I planned to become friends with her. She recently called me into her office to help her with her computer. I decided that it was time to get close to her and told her about the quarrel with my husband. For some reason, she did everything so that I quickly left her office.
Boss:“I recently asked a subordinate for help with a computer, and she told me a story so personal that I had to blush. But we have only business relations with her! She was extremely ruthless."
An important rule of a good worker is the inadmissibility of familiarity and the observance of subordination. Leave personal stories for colleagues.
We do not fall into our own networks
Boss:“I have always been unpleasant girls who put their “beauties” on public display. And, I was upset when I saw too candid photos of my employee on her page, I'm disappointed in her.
Do not forget that the authorities may try to find your profiles on the Internet, therefore, it is better to make them available only to a certain circle of people.
Spoon is good for dinner
You:“I allow myself to often run away from our boss and do not consider such actions bad. I manage to complete my work in less time than the one allotted for it. So, why not leave earlier or come later, I'm doing the job anyway!"
Boss:“I think one of my subordinates will have to say goodbye urgently. I started to detect his disappearances from work a long time ago, but I treated them loyally. Recently, I needed to urgently gather all the employees in the morning, as important personalities arrived. Woe-subordinate had to wait half an hour. In addition to being late, he ruined the image of the company.”
go to work time or being late without warning the manager is a big mistake, very often punishable by dismissal.
Even if you are one of the best employees, be punctual and do not abuse the trust of your superiors.
own goal
You:"I left with previous place work with a real scandal. Having got a new job, I told about the scandalous dismissal with pleasure and in colors. I thought that such a story would arouse sympathy towards me, but after this story, everyone started looking at me badly.
Boss:“I hired a girl and at first I was pleased with her. But, the other day I heard her story about the reason for dismissal from her previous job, she poured a huge amount of dirt on this organization. And, she did not hesitate to insult the former boss, touching on very personal details. It's disgusting"!
On the new job you need to watch what you say: do not criticize the previous management and place of work. Trying to decorate yourself in this way, you can get the opposite effect.
I don't want and I won't
You:“I am a straightforward person, and if I don’t like something in my work, I don’t hesitate to tell my superiors about it. Especially if it asks me to spend extra time or do something I'm not paid to do. Therefore, if I do not want to work, then I say this directly.
Boss:“I think that the dismissal of one of my subordinates is inevitable. Firstly, he refuses to do everything that I do not pay him. I understand that work is work, but you need to try to remain human and help! And secondly, he ignores even important assignments, for which he just gets the money, and does not hesitate to refuse in a rude manner, although I am the boss here!
Refusing to work in a categorical form: “I can’t”, “I won’t”, “I don’t want to” is a bad idea. If something does not suit you, you need to explain it delicately.
And, if you do not like your work, it is better to refuse it altogether, so as not to torment others and yourself.
Delu - time
You:“My job is monotonous and I get paid for it, so I often allow myself a break for a cup of coffee and a personal conversation with a colleague. The boss doesn’t tell me anything, and I consider my behavior to be normal.”
Boss:“Recently, I went out into the corridor and saw a line of indignant customers. It turned out that the employee was absent from her workplace, and was chatting nicely with a colleague in the next office. I had to remind her that for the rest there is a technical break established by the regulations. Next time I will deprive the award!
The action that will entail dismissal can be considered shirking from work. At work, you should try to do only relevant things.
Everything personal should be postponed until the break, even if no one makes comments to you.
You have finally received a promotion at work, and the executive chair is waiting for you. What is it like to be someone's boss for the first time? Undoubtedly, you are an excellent specialist, otherwise you would hardly have been hired for a managerial position. But instead of joy from the long-awaited promotion, panic overtakes you: will I cope? Where will I lead the team or department? Will they listen to my orders? A lot depends on you. Let’s take a look at some of the most common mistakes new leaders make.
The youngest… A common situation in modern firms: the leader is younger than his subordinates. Young people can become well versed in modern technologies production, methods of doing business or PR, and management faculties have appeared in universities that allow you to immediately prepare "managers". But how will the overage subordinates of the young boss perceive? This is difficult situation. Perhaps one of the older employees was aiming for the chair of the head “by seniority” and is now extremely unhappy that he did not get it. There is also a great risk that the young leader will be perceived as a "boy" or "girl" who decided to "play boss".
“I turned out to be much younger than my subordinates,” Irina complains. - From the very beginning they accepted me with hostility, although, despite my young age, I have a lot of work experience. There was only no experience of working with the elderly. I tried different methods: I asked them for advice, asked, convinced ... They agree, nod, but still do it their own way. They address me as “you” and often call me “Irochka”.
What to do in such a seemingly losing situation? In fact, the case is quite typical and not as intractable as it might seem. First of all, the young leader needs to deal with their fears. At work, biological age is a more than relative concept. In the department that you were put in charge of, you are now the eldest. It's not at a family dinner or a council of elders where you're the green newbie. You are not the granddaughter or daughter of these people, your relationship is professional, and you are in charge of their activities. If you have been appointed to this position, then you are worthy of this and have the necessary qualifications. Change your internal position - and you will see that the external alignment of forces also begins to change.
It’s better to immediately correctly put in your place people who are trying to call you “Irochka” or “Svetochka”: “Sorry, but I’m Irina Nikolaevna (Svetlana Gennadievna).” The form of address largely models the attitude towards a person. Irochka may be a waitress or a beloved niece, but there are no Ira bosses.
Be firm but human. It is important not to go to the other extreme. A common mistake of ambitious but immature leaders is to compensate for the lack of experience and authority with a deliberately tough, on the verge of rudeness and neglect attitude towards subordinates. Setting unrealistic demands and a lot of pointless prohibitions on your team right from the start (“Smoking no more than once every two hours!”, “A child’s illness is not considered a valid reason for leaving early!”), You will only achieve that you will pass for a petty tyrant. Find strengths your subordinates and praise them. It is important to find the right intonation: praise should not sound like you want to “suck up”, and in no case should it be flattery, but only a sincere recognition of the professional merits of a person.
In a mature team, it is important not to break all the established traditions and technologies at once. People get used to the established order, and an excessive amount of innovation causes them stress. There is a feeling that the new leader is going to "destroy the old world to the ground, and then ...". It is important that subordinates understand that you are not going to break anything, and the reorganization should bring changes for the better - including making their work easier and more efficient.
Yours among yours? After the promotion, you will have to head the same department in which you worked as an ordinary employee. And your former colleagues will become your subordinates. This reversal of roles confuses both the future boss and his potential subordinates. It seems that relations have already been established, but ... They were built on a horizontal level, now you will begin to lead the actions of these people.
“I worked in the HR department as an ordinary recruiter,” says Arina. - The head highly appreciated me and after a year and a half offered me the chair of her deputy, who had gone on maternity leave. I had to supervise the work of the girls with whom we had recently been drinking coffee and chatting during breaks. So that they would not think that I was conceited, I tried to communicate with them in the same friendly way, not to be too strict. As a result, delays, absenteeism began, and the performance of the department fell. I was reprimanded, and the style of communication with employees had to be urgently changed.”
Difficulties are almost guaranteed if, before promotion, you closely communicated with colleagues and shared the details of your private life - from going to bars to difficult relationships with your mother ... The basic rule of construction: work and personal life should, if possible, exist separately. You probably noticed: the higher the position of a person, the less employees know about him.
You need to be prepared for the fact that now the distance with colleagues will increase. Of course, you should not immediately take on an arrogant tone and pretend that your communication “on an equal footing” has never existed - this will only cause rejection. However, stories about fun parties or troubles on the personal front will have to stop. To indulge subordinates in everything - to cover up lateness, to give time off on demand - is also not worth it. Subordinates will simply sit on the neck of a soft leader, or they will take advantage of his weakness and “go around the corner” - and the boss’s chair will soon be occupied by someone who is not afraid to be strict.
Don't fuss! Many of us have an image of a businessman-rocket in our heads, who does not eat, does not sleep, and rushes from one negotiation to another with cosmic speed, throwing jerky remarks to his subordinates along the way. For some reason, it seems to us that this is exactly what the real one should look like: almost like Superman. But this image, for all its attractiveness, is completely wrong. People who have reached high positions usually behave quite solidly. Don't hand out useless tasks just to imitate busy activity. To scatter instructions without going into details at all, because this is the work of "narrow specialists", is also dangerous. The more often you show your incompetence, the sooner you will lose the respect of employees.
Hyper-responsibility is a sign of a bad boss. Subordinates exist precisely to delegate tasks to them. It is likely that most of them are competent people who are good at their job. There is no need to control everything to the smallest detail, meticulously delving into the process of everyone's work. Thus, you take on the work of the entire department, and take away the initiative from subordinates. There is also a great risk that, under your vigilant control, they will soon lose their sense of responsibility for their area of work: why, if the boss double-checks everything and reports to top management? Over time, you will get to know their strengths, the area in which they may be better than you, and weak spots Those that need to be monitored.
The ability to admit one's mistakes and see someone else's point of view is also one of the indispensable skills of a good leader. Confidence does not equal infallibility. All big bosses once sat in their chair for the first time at the big boss's table, and hardly felt comfortable doing so. But they learned from their own mistakes and managed to develop their leadership skills. You will get it too.